Why I am so confused about every damn thing ... I feel like probably I am the most confused person on this earth.. I feel like I am in a maze and I have no idea what to do, which way to go, whats the way out of this.. Be it my professional or personal life, I find myself equally confused.. Professional life has so many options .. shall I go for MBA Finance as I am really passionate about Equities.. but i dont hate my techie job either.. life is going on comfortably.. shall I do MBA as I am only a B.Tech ? .. Or that wont matter if I choose to be in this techie line for rest of my life.. Shall I go for my own start up... and what not ... The same goes for personal life too.... Since the thing is hindsight is always 20/20, so I always try to think how will I see these things say 2 yrs down the line.. Whatever I am doing today, my actions today, how will I see them some years down the line. Thats the way I try to think... The reason being as today I laugh at myself for the way I thought about the things in the past and things whcih I did. I also firmly believe that I am solely responsible for whatever I did in the past, whatever I thought about things as it was me who decided to do that thing as I felt that as the best thing to do in that situation. I think hindsight is 20/20 because in hindsight we remember only rational things, things which actually mattered at that point.. We forget about the "noise" which was present at that time and which made us to act in a particular manner at that time. So today I strive hard to think about the things after filtering that noise... Seems really hard and it is indeed so, but thats what I try to do... It takes quite an effort and I feel like a person starved of energy no matter in the end I am actually able to do so or not..
Also couple of things which I have learnt from the past are : words can help you express what u feel but sometimes silence or a pause is what you really need.. there is no substitue for a well timed pause.. So not saying something is what is really needed sometimes... The other on similar lines is that sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing... We all have this perennial desire to make things better and do something.. we dont know how to sit tight.. forget about not acting, we dont even consider not doing anything as an option ... but sometimes the best thing is to leave the things the way they are... learn to give up... Sometimes giving it time is what is really needed..
Coming back to the confusion thing, I wonder the way our life is affected by the people around us is upto us to choose or if something happens then it was always destined to happen that way.. Questions likes this comes to mind so often.. Can I really control the outcome of the events happening around me or it is just that nature conspires for them and all I can do is to act in the manner I am supposed to .. Also I feel like this is the most turbulent stage of my life... this late 20's .. I feel like after getting married, things will be so much better as one of the biggest event of life would have played out the way it was meant to be.. Being so passionate about markets, I can correlate this with the way markets behave to uncertainity... Markets tell us a great deal about how humans behave to uncertaininty .. feeling jittery.. factoring future into the present..doomsday predictions when things go a lil wrong..
Sometimes I feel like whether it is really good to achieve control of things as basically that is controlling emotions and becoming a stoic.. for sure i wont be taking pain, I wont be going through agony but i will also forget abt what is joy, ecstacy.. so emotions are like addectives... they give u a kick when u feel happy...but u feel like u r dieing when they work d opposite way.. so, is life worth living with keeping your emotions under control.. just living a plain life without any ups and down ? Then what comes to my mind is : is there some element in each one of us which wants life to be in constant state of flux and sometimes we desire to feel sad... sometimes we really want to be intentionally sad .. we want to hurt ourself ..we want to purge ourselves as we feel relieved and happy after being sad for sometime.. we want to go through the pain (emotional but I think some people may like physical pain too) and we desire for those emotions.. so sometimes do we all behave like masochists ?
The one thing which is very clear to me even in this state of utter confusion is that I will get the answer of all these things couple of years down the line .. As for the rear view mirror "Objects in the mirror are closer than what they appear" thing, I think rear view in life is not only close but clear too ...
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3 comments:
All of us think of ourselves and what we can do for our better, in all measures, its not human ... Its trivial to life on earth.. Perhaps the funda behind the survival of the fittest. But the ones that makes difference on earth are not the ones who did great things for themsves, rather the ones who made a big difference to other lives... Life is not a race.. Its a journey ... :)
For your career options you can Think FPGA. hehehe..
Dont worry everyone is as confused as everyone else.
:)
Very well written blog..
I don't know the current state of your emotions but i must say that, sometimes to let go off the things is better, just like expressing your emotions. It is very imp to express your emotion, sorrow, joy, etc all are indeed the fetus of these emotions.
About the controlling the things~it is hard to do...because we all are controlled by almighty (sounds quite cheesy), for example in my case i can't even control my tomorrow, even at night i make my schedule and write down that i have to do this and that...and when the day starts.. half of it is just passed in doing something else..if i cant control the single day of my life, there is no way i can control my whole life...
Yes the best way of overcoming the bad or down part of the life is imaging yourself from 5 years or 10 year down the road.. or may be thinking about your happy place... :)
Nice bike and keep writing..!
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